On Us 2 is the third installment in Nina's Porter brother series. This is a highly entertaining series that is labeled as Urban Fiction, but definitely should have a comedy tag on it. On Us 2 is a continuation of On Us and it's prequel, Front St. Porter. These stories chronologize a tale of five brothers that have basically raised themselves and tells the story of their journey in to adulthood. When reading any of the books in the series the author asks that you keep an open mind. This isn't a traditional urban fiction read. After reading this book I wanted to highlight some of the characters funniest moments. Their candor is explicit and may not be entertaining to everyone. If you haven't read this book, now is the time for you to head out, there will definitely be spoilers in this post.
Disclaimer: This isn't your traditional haha moments. My sense of humor may be different from others.
1. "'I know a lot of bad ass Lashays my nigga, and they smart. They all got CNA licenses.'" Dem was dead serious."
After Avery's baby is born, Dem suggests that they name the little girl Lashay. Lashay isn't a bad name, his logic is what makes this statement extremely hilarious.
2. "'They always want Lake bro. Think that nigga different cause he quiet.' Sav scoffed. 'Muhfucka, just a lil retarded baby, that's all,' Sav said as if he were talking to a girl. 'Fuck you nigga,' Lake said, trying not to laugh. 'That's what I been telling bitches since I was younger tryna get some pity ass and shit. Yea baby, my older brother only eighteen, he take care of me by his self and he retarded, can I have some pussy please?'"
If you've read the other installments in this series, you know Lake is "different". Not only did he have to deal with his own issues, he had to deal with his brother's issues in addition to helping raise them. We all know Lake isn't retarded, but it is extremely hilarious when other characters thinks he is.
3. "'Hear me out... that's like the rule of relationships. If something bad happens, oral sex don't count to hold you over until said nigga or bitch get better. Now death? You wait two to four weeks, and then you can fuck. No family members, though. Then they'll haunt you.'"
Sooooo... We know none of the Porters are well versed on relationships. If you didn't know, this statement here solidified it. I'm not sure where Wreck garnered this logic from, but my advice to you is to not take his advice.
4. "'You always wanna try and put my shit out there. Since you wanna tell all our business, tell Avery how you learned to swallow my whole dick and breathe at the same time like you got fuckin gills.'"
Gia is holding on to her virginity with an iron fist, but oral sex is still on the table. She thought she would be able to embarrass Wreck by airing out his cunnilingus escapades, but he quickly turned the tables on her.
5. "'You and Lake want a threesome? Ion know ima have to ask Sav and then he might want in because you know he thing you sexy.' Chi was dead serious. 'I knew you was lookin at me.'"
Chi might be my favorite female character in this series. She is hilarious and gives no fucks. Avery called and asked for a favor and this is what she thought she wanted. I don't know about y'all but when my friends call to ask me for a favor, this isn't the first thing that pops in my head.
5. "'Every FUCKIN TIME she ready to give up the pussy, y'all niggas call me on some shit! NOW I'm probably gonna have to wait even fuckin longer!' Wreck was obviously sexually frustrated. 'My nigga, if you knew what you was doing you would have had that shit a long time ago. But you all in love wanting to respect a bitch and shit,' Dem said, still texting on his phone."
Wreck's brother's call him because Ky and Key pull up to Vant's house, which means some folks could die. But that's not what's important to Wreck. He has a goal and his brother's are keeping him from succeeding. Dem's rebuttal makes this scene even more hilarious.
6. "Naw. I only speak dog to these pussycats, but they understand though."
Sav is having a serious conversation with Avery about communication, but even in the serious parts of this book comedy is inserted.
7. "'I mean... it don't really matter to me honestly. I grew to fuck with Ivy, but I know she said she want to go back to school and start a business and make her own money and shit.' 'She said that?' "Nah, she ready to level up on your ass is what she actually said, but I think that's usually what they mean when they start talking like that.'"
Lake is socially awkward and distant, so it is cute how him and Ivy have bonded over Avery's tragic accident. That fact that he can translate girl talk is hilarious.
8. "'She came to the crib?' Daly asked, shocked at Cheyenne's boldness. 'And Ivy ain't kill her?' 'Nope. She did one of them... bitch you not getting one up on me. This my man, and you will never have him hoe.' Lake said, trying to sound like Ivy and Daly hollered."
This new version of Lake is hilarious. He's surrounded by so many woman they are definitely changing him, for the better in my opinion.
9. "'When?! Why y'all ain't call us?!' Dem said mad they missed the entertainment. 'Vant, let us take care of it. You want Ivy back; we can give that to you. At minimum we'll stomp the baby out that bitch. If she die, she die,' Dem shrugged, and Sav was hollering."
Dem was serious and that's why this part hilarious for me. These brothers hate to see each other suffer.
10. "Why Mucci told this lady I live over here makes no sense. She be trying to fuck me Lake for a dollar."
All of these brother's have mommy issues, the only difference is Lake's momma is a crack head. He is embarrassed by it but Sav is highly entertained.
11. "Avery said she gon let me taste one of her cinnamon toast crunch titties."
There is no topic that is off limits with the Porter clan. Avery is breast feeding and Dem wants to know does Lake drink the milk. When Dem asks Lake to describe what the breast milk tastes like, Lake informs him that it tastes like cinnamon toast crunch. When Sav gets there and wants to be brought up to speed on the conversation, this was Dem's response.
12. "'Some hoe was telling me about that shit. Talking bout my love language is physical touch because I smacked her.' 'What?!' 'Yea! She hit me first, though. I knew she was crazy when she told me that's how I show my love. I said bitch; I hit anybody. She said because I love them.' 'I don't think that's right, Dem' Ivy laughed. 'I know! I ain't no philosophical ass nigga, but I know I don't smack a hoe because I love them. Bitch was crazy.'"
Again, Dem's pure honesty is comical to me. At least he knew the girl didn't know what she was talking about.
13. "I don't be eating everybody pussy anyway. I fucked with one bitch that way, but she turned crazy, had to cut her off. I'm never gon find me no steady hoe. They do too much."
This entire scene is hilarious. There older brother is in the kitchen eating his girlfriend out and they all are standing in the door way watching, all while suggesting they get to try it on the other brother's baby momma. I was in tears. This is weird and wrong on so many levels but highly entertaining.
14. "'White hoes suck good dick' Daly shrugged. 'Nah. Niggas always saying that, but I let one from school, bitch was chewing my shit. Punched her right in the fuckin head.' Sav always had a bad sexual experience story."
I think the part that made this funny was the fact that he said he punched her in the head. I was not expecting that to be his reaction.
15."'LET'S FUCKIN GO BRO!' Sav shouted. 'GOT ME LOOKING LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN URKEL!'"
Sav had to be threatened to wear a suit to Lake and Avery's wedding. Like any typical female, it took Avery and her girls longer to get ready than the guys. Sav could not wait to get that suit off.