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Should I Leave or Should I Stay?: Ebb & Flow Relationship Advice

Nubia: My man cheated on me. Should I leave or should I stay?


Nubia found the perfect man in Naazir. The king that matched her queen. Their relationship was perfect, but somehow, she was stilled cheated on. Now the circumstances in this story were different from most cheating cases, but whether intentional or unintentional, cheating still hurts the person that was cheated on. Like most women, Nubia labeled cheating as a cardinal sin and vowed to not be that girl. Immediately relinquishing her title as Naazir's girlfriend. "No. I can't be that girl. I won't."

If you've ever been cheated on, I'm sure you felt the same exact way as Nubia. Just the idea of staying with someone who has cheated on you makes you feel stupid and foolish. But there are women who actually weigh their options with staying with their partner. When Nubia had her brief conversation with Liz, a client of hers who is a therapist, she explained relationships perfectly. "'Relationships ebb and flow,' Liz started. 'The ebb is the less than pretty truth about relationships that people don't like to discuss.'" So, leaving may not be the right choice in all relationships. Someone once told me when evaluating relationships you have to look at the deposits and the withdrawals. If a person is depositing more into you than withdrawing, you may need to reevaluate if cutting that person off is the right choice. Once you decide if forgiveness is the path you want to take, and work on mending yourself and your relationship, I would definitely recommend help from a few outside resources. Here are my suggestions:

  • Therapy - Therapy will more than likely be the best option for most. Nubia's short conversation with Liz definitely resonated and made her more open to reconciling with Naazir. Therapy for Black Girls has a directory to help you find a therapist that is a Black woman anywhere in the U.S.

  • Journaling - I would recommend pairing journaling with therapy, but if you don't feel comfortable with therapy, journaling will help you sort out your thoughts until you are comfortable. Amazon has a plethora of journals, but I found one created by a Black woman, Tamara Thompson, that I think will be helpful. The title is Healing from Infidelity.

  • Self-Help Books - Reading books with examples of the same thing that happened to you can be helpful. Most self-help books are written by experts, in most cases, possibly even therapist. They'll more than likely be filled with helpful tips on how push forward. Healing from Infidelity by Janis Bryans and Healing from Infidelity by Alice Gardner may be helpful.

  • Hang out with family and friends - I know trying to be social can be hard when you're trying to wrap your mind around being cheated on, but it's necessary. Depression is real and can send you into a downward spiral. So, get up, get out, and remember that you're still a dope individual. It's no need to look how you feel.

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